| | I have not, if memory serves, written a letter to Santa since the 3rd grade. It's been twenty-seven years, so here goes:
Dear Santa,
Thank you for giving a guinea pig to my daughter, Regan. Even though she is only six years old, she is very responsible and has been a wonderful mom to dear little Daisy. Daisy is a sweet, kind, gentle guinea pig.
Oh, and by the way, she's pregant. What, did you get her at a buy one, get four free sale? I know you have a good sense of humor, Santa. I recall getting Christmas presents in sixth grade even though some would think I didn't deserve it. I knew back then that YOU would find it funny that I snuck into the girls' locker room at school and peeked in at them while they changed into their gym outfits, even though my own mom didn't share our humor. I also recall how funny you were when I received socks and underwear as Christmas presents on more than one occasion, not to mention the deoderant I got back in middle school, all wrapped so nicely. Since I didn't write to you back then, I have to ask: were you trying to tell me something? Lastly, I recall that sweater - you know, the one with Mickey Mouse on it. That's sure sooooome gift for a [male] freshman in high school, a Mickey Mouse sweater. Were you trying to get my ass kicked?
Anyway, thanks so much for the gift that keeps on giving. Regan will surely like it when four or five squeaking, squeeling guinea pigs come a-poppin' out of little Daisy, but I'm not quite so sure that Amy and I (who went back-and-forth whether ONE guinea pig would be too much) will share her sentiment.
By the way, don't bother eating the cookies we leave out next year, just to be on the safe side in case I haven't gotten over this year's surprise.
respectfully,
Jason Asala |
| | Posted 1/21/2006 4:24 PM - 32 Views - 4 eProps - 3 comments
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