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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| Tom, here's mine:
the Cutting Edge
(52% dark, 42% spontaneous, 26% vulgar) | your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK
Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.
Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi
The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -
If you're interested, try my latest:
The Terrorism Test
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 54% on darkness | | You scored higher than 41% on spontaneity | | You scored higher than 23% on vulgarity |
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| • Guinea Pig Farmer •
Boy, I never envisioned this last Friday…
or this…
but, there they are, in black and white (ha!), our two newest members of the Asala clan. The top one (Betty), and the bottom one, Eko (pronounced like echo, which, coincidentally, is pronounced like ecko or ekko, but I digress…)
Betty? How do we know it's a girl? We don't. A boy guinea pig named Betty won't really know the difference, thank you.
Why Eko? Because I wanted to name "him" Mr. Eko, from Lost. The Mrs. said "No," and I asked "why?" and she said "because last week he slit the throats of two guys," and I said "but that was in a flashback," and she said "but it was still violent," and I said "but he's so cool!" and she said "okay, whatever, but how about just Eko?" and I said "okay, I can live with that," and Regan said "hey, guys, when's dinner?"
And if Eko – Mr. Eko here in blogland, thank you very much - is a girl, then I'll drop the Mr. even from the blog.
Ah, I never envisioned blogging about guinea pigs, mostly because I would never go to a blog about guinea pigs and purposely read it, but last Friday I never envisioned having three times as many guinea pigs as before. Slutty little Daisy.
Oh, and the guinea pigs come out of the mom (ick) ready to run a marathon. Within an hour they were prancing in a cage and eating solid food. It took a year for our 19-month old to do that. The guinea pigs already listen way better than she does, too. Sigh.
• Gamer •
Yes, it's become World of Warcrack. Roger my dwarf hunter is 13th level, and he has a really, really cool pet boar that follows him around and tusks things (can tusks be used as a verb?). I seem to be randomly walking around shooting and stabbing things in the Warcraft world, which, thankfully, doesn't mirror real life (yet). I go around and around until I get killed by giant whatchajiggies that are like 20th level and make me a ghosts. I died about six times in ten minutes the other day just trying to GET OUT of one area. After the third death I pleasantly tried telling them that I'm leaving, thank you very much, without even trying to shoot or stab anything. It was to no avail - I guess dealing with giant, cleaver-wielding skeletons is tricky business.
Next week: A play-by-play of my World of Warcraft-induced divorce proceedings…
• Teacher •
I actually said this to a student two weeks ago:
"And why are you wearing your aunt's pants?"
Now, that may seem strange to say to a fifth grader, and possibly suggestive (it wasn't, trust me). It was said to a BOY who was complaining that other kids were making fun of his pants. Yes, he admitted that they were his aunt's…
• Comic Book reader •
Anyone out there start reading any online comics, like Finder or Girl Genius? I'm curious as to the quality and ease-of-use perception.
Do you think that it will catch on and people will make money doing it that way? Curious, because I think that the potential is pretty high.
The movie 300 is in production, based on one of my favorite comics of all time, Frank Miller's 300, about King Leonidas and his Spartan guards that defend Greece against Xerxes and the Persian army. I can't wait to see this! It's definitely in my top five, and I hope the movie is good.
I caught an old 60s movie called 300 Spartans, which tells basically the same story, but was sooooo cheesy that I couldn't take it. On our digital cable it got 1 star out of 4. That rating is usually reserved for movies like Meatballs 7, or a make-for-Sci-Fi movie starring one of the Sweathogs that wasn't John Travolta. It was gawwdawful. The ending scene had "special effects" that rivaled any Doctor Who episode, though.
• Adventurer •
It looks like we have 6 for our next Canada trip! That would rock. Means we could carry waaaaaaay more booze than in previous years. Woot! | | |
| I have not, if memory serves, written a letter to Santa since the 3rd grade. It's been twenty-seven years, so here goes:
Dear Santa,
Thank you for giving a guinea pig to my daughter, Regan. Even though she is only six years old, she is very responsible and has been a wonderful mom to dear little Daisy. Daisy is a sweet, kind, gentle guinea pig.
Oh, and by the way, she's pregant. What, did you get her at a buy one, get four free sale? I know you have a good sense of humor, Santa. I recall getting Christmas presents in sixth grade even though some would think I didn't deserve it. I knew back then that YOU would find it funny that I snuck into the girls' locker room at school and peeked in at them while they changed into their gym outfits, even though my own mom didn't share our humor. I also recall how funny you were when I received socks and underwear as Christmas presents on more than one occasion, not to mention the deoderant I got back in middle school, all wrapped so nicely. Since I didn't write to you back then, I have to ask: were you trying to tell me something? Lastly, I recall that sweater - you know, the one with Mickey Mouse on it. That's sure sooooome gift for a [male] freshman in high school, a Mickey Mouse sweater. Were you trying to get my ass kicked?
Anyway, thanks so much for the gift that keeps on giving. Regan will surely like it when four or five squeaking, squeeling guinea pigs come a-poppin' out of little Daisy, but I'm not quite so sure that Amy and I (who went back-and-forth whether ONE guinea pig would be too much) will share her sentiment.
By the way, don't bother eating the cookies we leave out next year, just to be on the safe side in case I haven't gotten over this year's surprise.
respectfully,
Jason Asala | | |
| Howdy. I'm an unapologetic nerd, amongst other things. I'm a teacher, illustrator, writer, gamer, comic reader, dad and husband (no particular order). All, or at least most, of my blogs should fit into one of those categories.
• Teacher •
I actually said the phrase "okay everybody, look at the dancing squid" today. Yes, that sounds dirty, but it wasn't a euphamism or anything - an actual dancing squid was involved (an illustration of one, anyway. Real ones are too inky).
I love my job, especially on days I can say things like that.
• Writer •
I posted a new story to my website, The House of Usher, called Gingerbread. Check it out if you have a chance.
• Comics •
Was talking to my friend Tom today, and we were admiring the comics of the 80 nostalgia boom. I suggested making a comic based on the 70s "Time for Timer" cartoon shorts that were supposed to be somehow public service messages, but instead caused millions of children worldwide to carve square pieces of cheese into little circles.
• Husband •
We have a guinea pig (after buying it, found out it wasn't from Guinea, wasn't a pig. What a rip.) Hopefully it doesn't lead to problems like this parrot did.
• Gamer •
Oh my. Bought World of Warcraft. Thought I didn't have any spare time before now. I'd quit playing, but, y'know, Roger my dwarf hunter is only 11th level…
Sigh. My wife now thinks I have yet another obsession.
She's right.
'Night all | | |
| My stupid New Year's resolutions, in no particular order:
1) Cook more. I don't know what happened with me cooking over the years. I really like to do it. I guess it boils down to laziness - that and the fact that sometimes the stuff I cook tastes like a foot. But, I am going to cook more. Two of my favorite things to eat, sushi and Indian dishes, are fun to make.
A) Indian food is, by the way, hard to cook. I made this "dessert" a few months ago called kheer, which is rice in sweetened milk (it tasted much niftier than it sounds). It should have been very good, since the recipe says something simple like "add rice to sweetened milk, then stir," but what was actually produced looked like cream of wheat that was balled up and set out to dry in the Arizona sun. My wife Amy laughed and pointed at the stupid man who couldn't add rice to sweetened milk.
Also, my neighbors are Indian, and will bring over some of my favorite dishes a few times in the summer (which more than makes up for the fact that I peek outside and occasionally see them harvesting goodies from my own garden. True story. But at least they wave when the see me see them doing it.) Anyway, when I've asked them to give me a recipe or two, I inevitably get back directions like "add some of that orange powder," or "put in a bit of boba." I gave up on that, obviously. Sooo, back to the resolutions…
2) Watch Law and Order no more than 10 times a week (not including weekends).
3) Write more. Hence the blog and the website additions. Sorry that you're a victim of this one.
4) Read much, much more than I have been. Sounds easy, but with a 6 and 1-1/2 year old at home, by the time they're in bed I'm usually exhausted. I have a queue of about a dozen books that I'm jonesin' to read, and I just haven't had the time.
5) No more internet poker for a while. It's been profitable (true story, even though every single gambler in the two known universes says they're profitable, I'm one of the minority that actually is. Although if I told you the $/hour, you'd be less impressed.) but it's time to stop doing that to free up more time for 1, 3 and 4.
6) Get to work ten minutes earlier than I have been. I teach 5th grade, and I bring my oldest daughter with me, and I'm always ten minutes late, even though I live less than two miles from work. Sigh.
7) Absolutely never go to websites about mimes. I've actually never even done this, but I wanted a resolution that I'd actually be able to accomplish.
8) Stop playing Fantasy Football.
9) Learn the difference between affect and effect in every application. Tougher than it sounds.
10) Not go beyond 9 in any list I create. Drat! Broke one already.
Yes, those are mostly gay resolutions, but, hey, a guy's gotta start somewhere.
What are your resolutions, if any?
Jason
I'll leave you with a picture of my daughter at the zoo.
Daughter on left.
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